Never say never

20170222_161325I am sorry it’s been awhile since my last post. I have been juggling some serious life and I sometimes drop the ball on a few things. Those things are usually anything that isn’t totally necessary for our family’s survival. We all had strep throat this last week and though I felt the bug to write, I felt too wiped out to have inspiration and energy enough to do so. I have read the book I have being published, at least 28 times and 4 of those have been in the last month for editing purposes. Needless to say, I am ready for other people to read this instead of myself.

About 2 years ago, I was told by my knee surgeon that my knees were so bad, I “would never be able to hike again.” I was deflated completely by this. I was having knee surgery and I have almost no cartilage left on the back of my kneecaps and sides of my femur. My knees are really just pretty bad. I decided after sobbing like a little girl, that I wasn’t going to let this doctor determine my outcome. I needed his eyes for surgery, but not my long term outlook. I felt I had been promised by God, that my physical situation would improve. My son had a dream that God was going to heal me, but “we would have to be patient because it was going to take a long time.”

In the last year, I have seen some low points with another spinal fusion, and continuing joint pain from my 20 surgeries over the last 7 years. At some point I started to feel really antsy. Probably a year ago, I started fantasizing about hiking again. This seemed like a huge feat, as I hadn’t been really physically active besides regular walking, in about 7 years. I started praying I would be able to again someday. When I was able enough to get out after my surgery, I started walking my typical 2 miles again. The bug had bit me though, and I wanted to hike again. I wanted to conquer a mountain. It isn’t just a physical mountain I needed to conquer, it was a mental and spiritual one too. I wanted to give this victory to God. Every improvement I’ve had physically, has been by His mercy and grace. I wanted to symbolically show, that He can not only move mountains, but He can help you climb what feels like an impossible one.

I did start climbing mountains, not immediately though. I did about a 1/4 of a mountain the first time. It was so hard and I was so rickety. I had to put my hand on my husbands back and he had to control my decent because my knees were so weak. He would probably tell you it’s because he was so handsome, and though that is partially a reason, it was mostly due to years of muscle wasting and bad joints. It took 3 weeks before I reached the top of my first mountain. I managed to start hiking it regularly after awhile and I was doing great. I could see muscle rebuilding, my walk grew smoother, I could do stairs. I was finally there, I had conquered that mountain and several for that matter.

Over Christmas break we moved our entire household to a new house and I took a break for 2 weeks. I went right back to it after the break, and on my first hike back, I actually did great. About 3 hours after I was home and resting, my knee stated hurting terribly. Not just a little, I could barely walk at all. It laid me up for 3 days. When it calmed back down, I tried it again. Same thing. Repeat again and then repeat again. I was stumped. Why would taking a break make it worse? My physical therapist thought it might be cartilage floating and irritating things or a cyst. It was swelling and warm and miserable. We were thinking I may need to see a surgeon, and stop hiking. My husband told me one night, “you know, you may need to just stop hiking. Its not worth it if it’s going to hurt the progress you’ve made.” I knew he was right, but that hiking time had become my God and Amy time. I could pray uninterrupted and focus on the beauty of this earth He has created. People needing prayers would come to mind, and I was thriving on that spiritual renewal. I didn’t want to give it up.

A scripture came to mind, that has come to me before when things were looking bleak for my physical future. Hebrews 10:35&36 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

I asked that next Sunday for administration. It’s when 2 ministers put blessed oil on your head and pray for you. During the administration, I felt heat wash over my head and shoulders and peace took hold of my soul. I had prayed that morning and told God, ” I am going to try to touch the hem of Jesus’s robe and be healed.” During the administration, the minister who was praying aloud suddenly said,”God, she comes before you to touch the hem of His robe. Please would you heal her?” When this was said I felt almost thunder in my mind. It was like God saying “I hear you and I know what you prayed.” It gave me such peace. I felt that whatever His will was, I could live with it. I was going to try hiking again though.

My physical therapist taped it before my maiden voyage since the setback. I drove to North mountain hoping and praying this time would be different. It was. My prayer had been answered. I’ve been hiking regularly again since. It’s not pain free, but my body never is. It wasn’t unbearable anymore though, and that’s what I was hoping for.

As I hiked last time, I thought about how the outcome would have been different if I’d have just thought, “Oh well, I guess I can’t do this and that doctor was right.” What if I disregarded what I felt like God had promised? I’m not for ignoring medical advice generally, but in this case it felt like the right thing. God gives me my boundaries, not doctors.

I think most of us struggle with boundaries in our lives. Things we feel unable to overcome or obtain. God draws the ultimate boundaries. We can trust Him, because He truly loves us beyond our understanding. So…whatever your mountain is…Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

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