Feed the dog

 

Proverbs 12-10

I have been sitting here trying to rein my thoughts in. I’ve had somewhat of a restless heart this week. I realize I haven’t dedicated time to reading the scriptures, and I often feel this restlessness because of my own doing. This is a personal failure of mine. It’s one of those things I really struggle with. I get all wrapped up in life, my head gets spinning with the stresses and cares of a million demands around me, and as I scramble to catch up, I let the one most important thing in my life slide. I hate that. A friend of mine posted a quote this morning, and I’m gonna recap it. “If God feels far away, guess who moved.”

I always know it’s me. He is always knocking, and sometimes I treat Him like a solicitor. Ugh. I disgust myself. How can I put Him off like that, on the back burner? He who died for me. It’s a shameful fault of mine.

God’s mercy and grace toward us is astounding. I feel the urging in my heart to get back to the basics and open scriptures. He puts what I need right there in front of me.

Mark 12:30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, andwith all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

Ooof. Yeah, that’s the one I fell short on for sure. I put other things in front of my God priority.

I spent yesterday in church services and both sermons were what I needed. One was about sin, and the next was about idols. I needed both of those. I’m not going out being a rebel rousing hooligan or anything, but when I lose sight of God being my number 1 priority, I find myself falling short in all respects. I grow frustrated in general, tired because I haven’t rested my soul, and short fused because I don’t have time to recharge. I need the patience and the mission statement that the word of God impresses on my soul. I am here for His purposes. My purposes need to sit back in the passenger seat and zip it, so God can steer my crazy train, back on the right tracks.

I can’t tell you the relief I felt this week when I had the opportunity to pray with a few friends. We were in prayer together, just 4 of us, praying for the needs on our hearts. As we prayed and I listened to their prayers, the Holy spirit washed over me. From the top of my head, gently brushing down my shoulders and warmly and gently embracing me for a moment. I felt such peace, joy, and thankfulness for the very moment I was in. I wasn’t worthy of it. I didn’t deserve it. It is just the grace and mercy of God, calling me back into His presence. I opened the door to his knocking, and he embraced me in a hug. I had prayed daily, but I hadn’t poured out my heart in earnest prayer like that. I need to pour out my heart like that daily. What type of amazing blessings await, when we fervently pray? The glory untold…just waiting to be opened to us.

Guess when this reminder scripture showed up on my phone bible app? Yeah, the day before we prayed together…

Mathew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

He is. I felt it. It gave me such peace.

I had the honor of teaching the 7-8 year olds for Bible school a couple weeks ago. This group consisted of 5 energetic, smart, insightful and sweet boys. My conversations with these boys blew me away. The questions they hit me with during the week, surprised me. These boys have been thinking and thinking deep. One of the questions was, “How do we know if we are gonna be a good person or a bad person?” I told the boys that every decision we make will decide that. Each decision we make, sets us on a path. We either move closer to God with each decision or further away. I told them that I didn’t know the validity of the example I was about to tell them, but that there is an old indian proverb. I will insert it here:

good wolf bad wolf

I was pretty sure that they understood. They all seemed to think that made sense. Later on in the conversation, another statement was made by one of the boys. He said, “When you sin and you make a mistake, God erases it like He doesn’t even remember it!” I told him, “Yes! And it says He throws it into the depths of the ocean.” Just then, one of the boys got excited and he said, “Yes! God makes that bad wolf BARF IT UP!!!” We all dissolved in fits of laughter at that point, but I was so overjoyed to see that not only they understood the analogy, but they were even building on the meaning of it.

I feel like there are a lot of moments in life I wish I could make my bad wolf barf it up, and it would somehow erase those moments when I fed the bad wolf. I also recognize that sometimes it’s not that I’m feeding the bad wolf…it’s just that I’ve forgotten to feed the good wolf. My soul does the equivalent of what my real dogs do when I forget to feed them…they let me know I’ve dropped the ball. We have a dog and my in laws have a dog. I love both of our dogs, but my Mom and Dad in laws dog…he has the personality of a feisty loving brave alpha. The irony is that he is 10 lbs. We live on the same property as my in laws, and when they are gone during the day, he is at our house. When they travel he also is at our house. Our dogs act like siblings and are BFF’s. Their dog’s name is Boo.

Boo on couch

We love this little guy like he is just our dog too. Here is his usual perch on my lap with our dog Ava

Boo and Ava on my lap

Boo’s feisty is no joke. He will bat his empty food dish across the floor like a world champion soccer player,  until you fill it. Same thing with an empty water dish. When you look at him, he just stands there with pure innocence written on his face and he tilts his little head, like something so innocent could never cause such a ruckus. It makes me laugh. My soul does this when it’s not getting what it needs. It bats my emotions and patience around until I pay attention and fill my cup. I’ve started to recognize this sooner than I used to. It’s a learning process.

Whenever I hold Boo, and I start to shift my hands to put his little body down…he grabs my arm with his arms and wraps his paws around so I can’t let go. It melts me every single time and I love it. I pray my soul clings to God this close. That whenever I feel impending distance, that I will wrap my arms around God’s goodness and never let loose. I’m comforted to know that it’s never God who puts us down while we are still hanging on, it’s only us who wriggle free of God’s grasp.

While I’m thinking about it…I’m gonna go feed my dogs and the good wolf. Huge hugs to you guys!

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Feed the dog

  1. Wow Amy!!! First of all your blog always touches me. I’m amazed at your talent in writing and how you express your thoughts. It always just pulls me right in! But I have sat here staring at the dachshund picture thinking is that Holly? Did I send Amy a picture of Holly??? It looks just like her and I realized I don’t have furniture with that pattern. That is the only way I knew it wasn’t Holly. I am so happy you found the animal verse. I hadn’t forgotten I just couldn’t find it!!! I’m going to underline it in my Bible so I don’t lose it again. Love you!!!
    Sent from my iPhone
    >

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    1. Hahaha that is so cool! I was looking for that scripture verse and that picture came up from Pinterest. It fit perfect so I used it. That’s so funny that they look so much alike. Awe.. that’s really neat actually. I hadn’t thought about that until you mentioned it. Maybe God just knew you needed to see a sweet pouty Holly face today. I love you too sister!

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  2. Thank you so much for this! I have been wriggling away from God a lot lately. I found your blog on a website about flouroquinolone toxicity. I’ve been angry at God because my body is so utterly completely destroyed and it’s only getting worse. Because of your blog I’m moving towards acceptance and returning to Jesus

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    1. Catherine, I do totally understand your frustration. It is so hard to deal with pain and disappointment. It eats at our resolve sometimes. God has been with me during some very ugly moments in my health crisis. Those blessings are the reason why I wrote my book about it all. I felt like I also wanted my kids to have a record of the blessings that got us through and continue to keep us afloat. I even still need the reminder sometimes. If you ever want to chat, I also have a Facebook page that you can email me on, as well as my email here a_a_mo@cox.net. Email me anytime. Wish I could give you such a huge hug. Hang in there.

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