Psalms 59:16 But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.
I will tell you that I did not start a blog because I wanted to write only about antibiotics. I started the blog because I really wanted a place to think about what God was constructing in my heart. A place to write and mull over the inner workings of my mind and a place to share life. I never dreamt it would change my life. But it has.
You’d think in the past several years, of medical chaos and spiritual hurdles, that a blog would be a needle in the haystack of life. It was until last Saturday. In the space of one week, so much has changed.
I have spent countless hours answering emails, answering comments and building internet pages, talking to news sources, trying to make a video of myself talking about the viral blog post about Fluoroquinolones (ewwww shudder, I don’t even like taking selfies.) I am lost in a maze of a world I know nothing about. I know enough of my computer to feel my way through email, scrolling through internet and watching videos. I don’t know how to navigate this high tech world. Have any of you ever tried to help a grandparent through working a VCR remote, DVD player, CD player…you know where I am going with this. I am the grandma that can’t figure out how to work fancy technology. My grandma used to keep her cell phone off so no one could call her on it, because she thought she would be charged from the phone company. That’s about my understanding of this whole viral blogger 101 class for dummies.
I keep praying about all of this and asking God for wisdom and guidance. What do you want me to do with this God? Where are you leading me? Help me, I’m lost.
I feel like God ever so gently nudges me to remember the lesson I am always having to re learn. I feel like He say’s “Amy, just hold my hand. I will lead you. Walk with me and tell everyone how I am here. Tell them I love them, the way you feel Me love you. Tell them how I see it all and I have a plan even when I can’t reveal how it will play out. Remember…I am always always good.”
Tonight during the evening sermon, I sat shaking my leg like I’m frantically sewing on a machine in a sweat shop. I was probably bouncing the whole pew up and down and I didn’t even know it. My mind was full and racing with so many new pressures and worries. There is a bit of me that worries that so much of my life has just run rampant through the world. I have worries about my family’s privacy and even our safety to some degree. My husband gently reached over and rested his hand on my knee to calm me. He handed his Bible to me and said “Here, read from here to here.” He pointed into 1st Peter chapter 3. He pointed from verse 10-15. It say’s :
10. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
13 And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good?
14 But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;
15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
A feeling of familiar calm came over me. God yet again reminding me of exactly what to do. Listen for His leading. Be not afraid. Be happy and ready to share my story. Share the reason I have hope, and don’t forget how I am so undeserving of God’s grace.
I think the meekness part will come pretty easy. Once I get this youtube video up…it’s T minus 5 seconds until the world sees for themselves what a dork I actually am.