God’s “will,” sounds so much more graceful, when it looks and feels like success and rest. In my own life, I find it often looks drastically different. So many times my heart dreams of big things and great triumph, but the reality is that we have to fight to grow. We have to face hardship to experience triumph. Triumph is only accomplished by having overcome the storms we find upon us.
About 2 weeks ago, I watched a movie with my kids. It was called “Wonder.” Its a true story about a child who has something called Treacher Collins Syndrome. It’s a rare facial deformity that required dozens of surgeries in the first few years of life. It’s a reality that this child and his family, face some very brutal reality due to this condition. The boy, who’s name is Auggie, is judged by his looks from the very beginning of his life. People can be cruel sometimes, but not all are. Some people rise up and you see the best in them. The movie centers on the first year they put him in school. It happened to be middle school, and he goes through a very difficult storm in his young life. In this storm, he and his family grow stronger together and as individuals. Even the people around them grow, and many learned valuable lessons. There was a scene that has stuck like glue in my brain. He is talking to his mom, and she points out her grey hair, and her fine lines and wrinkles. She looks at him and say’s, “Auggie, The heart is the map of where we are going. The wrinkles, the grey’s, the scars…they are the map of where we have already been.”
I’m quickly approaching the 8 year anniversary of my life being taken by storm. There was no siren, no warnings, just sudden and massive life change.
At first, recovering from multiple surgeries, gave me plenty of time to contemplate this conundrum. How do I go back? How do I fix this? How do I escape? Over the years, as it’s become apparent that I have been forever altered, the questions have changed. I find myself asking much different questions. How do I continue to make the best of this storm, and use it to grow? What does God want me to do while I’m still here? If I actually had the chance, would I choose to go back to who I was before the storm?
Before this storm, I prayed that God would save my soul, no matter what He had to do to me. I meant it. I don’t regret it, and I do still mean it and pray it. I don’t think I realized the gravity of it until years later. Now seeing the pain it can entail, it scares me, but I know it is ultimately still what I desire above all.
I’ve been reading about storms in the scriptures. There is a situation, that struck me differently when I read it. I have often concentrated on Peter and his faith in Jesus, and the significance of his courage to try to walk on water to Jesus. This time, my mind is focusing on another aspect.
Mathew 14: 22-33
22. And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
23. And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24. But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32. And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33. Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.
This storm, brought out an opportunity for the disciples to appreciate the awesome power of God. It strengthened them in their faith. They witnessed their Savior and friend, just strolling across the water. Jesus showcased an incredible miracle in spite of their less than ideal circumstances. This storm wasn’t a punishment, Jesus didn’t mistakenly send them into it, and Jesus wasn’t concerned about the storm. The storm never held more power than he does. If the storm wasn’t serving a needed purpose, Jesus could have calmed it sooner, but it was necessary for the training and faith of those disciples. Thousands of years later, it’s still important for us to learn about this story, as we experience storms in our own lives. He did calm those waves, but it wasn’t until after he had flexed some of the power from His Father in Heaven.
Storms always have the potential to destroy, but that is definitely not their only purpose. Different storms approach in our lives, to serve different purposes. There is often a beautiful side. They wash away things that are unstable, stagnant, or dead. They bring forth a nourishment, and soften hard ground in preparation for new beginnings.
There is a side to my own personal storm, that is invaluable. In essence, I have watched my Savior walk on water to me. He calls to me across those waves, and beckons me to Him. “Amy, just focus on me. I am your stability and strength. Come closer, and reach out to me. I will never fail you.” Though the storm has terrified and taken me down, It does not worry Jesus. He knows that if I begin to fall, all I have to do is reach up. My weakness doesn’t matter when it’s met with his strength. He is showing me, that he will preserve me in any storm, on any day. Trust is built during storms. My body may be worse off than before this storm, but my heart is stronger. That gives me the answer to at least one of my questions. If given the option, would I go back to who I used to be, and my healthy body before this storm? No, I wouldn’t. I’m not willing to give back the trust I have gained, when it comes to my relationship with God. It’s an ongoing lesson, but there is no way I’d give back that precious ground.
I believe that God promises us something incredible during each storm, and in the faith that grows during one. He promises to always be with us, and reassures us that we can trust Him, even in the midst of tempests, wind and chaos.
I think about being healed every single day. The desire of that is not gone, and my belief that I will receive that, is still there. I don’t think it will be the 27 year old version of my body that was taken away, but I do believe God could heal me to whatever capacity He so desires. I leave the details of that to Him. Regardless, I know that if I keep my eyes focused of God and not the storm, I will someday get a brand new body, and this one won’t matter one bit.
The other day, I knew storms would be the topic for my next post. As God always does, He gave me another witness of that. My friend Rachel, tagged me on my Facebook timeline, in a video about Eagles. She said, “I immediately thought of you.” She didn’t know it at the moment, but she had just been led to give me exactly the thoughts I needed.
Eagles have purpose. They are very focused and driven. They are not easily derailed, courageous, and they know their strengths and weaknesses. They use that knowledge to thrive. During storms, they are acutely aware and in tune with their surroundings. They look for the wind that has the potential to raise them up. They use those gusts to fly higher and higher until they are above the storm. If they didn’t know how to use that wind, it could destroy them, but they have learned that those gusts, can be of use to them. Instead of being tossed around, they thrive in the storm. The storm isn’t gone, it still rages, but the eagle is lifted higher and higher to safety in spite of it’s circumstances. This is us, and those storms will roll in for all of us. Those gusts, are like faith stepping stones. With each little victory in the storm, we rise to a higher plane in our faith. Eventually we are closer than ever to our Creator, and with each storm, we learn to navigate more efficiently.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
28. Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31. But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
If you are feeling worn, old, battered and bruised…remember. The heart is the map of where we are going. The wrinkles, the grey’s, the scars…they are the map of where we have been.” With the focus of an eagle, we know that our hearts have even better vision than our eyes, when it comes to God. We have this map in our heart of where we want to go. We want to go higher and higher, and fly to our Creator. These storms are going to brew and rage as we journey to that destination. It’s okay if we are showing the wear and tear of a journey that was never meant to be our final destination. Those signs of wear and tear, are only the map of where we have been.
Okay, half time over. Eyes on Jesus my friends! Open those wings, and wait for the next gust. We have an awesome destination to look forward to. I love you each. Big hugs!
6. As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: (Or you know, fly 😉 )
7. Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.
5 thoughts on “Fly Like An Eagle”
God brought me to you; your blog. Because, He knew I needed your words and wisdom to assist me through my own illness and challenges.
Thank you and God bless.
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Thank you so much for sharing that with me! God bless you as well!
The Lord always knows what we need to hear and when…thank you for answering his call and writing as you do. As always, thank you.
You are so welcome. I am learning as I write. I need these lessons too.
Thanks Amy for this and for all you have written about the Lord and about how this awful experience of being harmed by an antibiotic has strengthened our relationships with Him for so many of us. Almost 11 years ago I prayed for meaning in my life and within a few weeks it took a drastic turn for the worse as I experienced what I eventually figured out was a horrific adverse reaction to Levaquin. I had prayed that I would be grateful even if it was something like cancer, although I would prefer something pleasant, and that if something like what happened happened that I would stand up and make a difference. Well, what happened was anything but pleasant. I would definitely prefer cancer, especially since a large percentage of us go on to have some sort of wierd rare cancer as part of the whole floxing thing. Being floxed is like having cancer, but the medical community doesn’t believe cancer is real. We go through a comparably horrible ordeal but there is almost no support for us. Worse yet, the vast majority of people suffering through this have no idea what happened to them because the reactions are usually delayed so both patients and doctors fail to make the connection.
This is incredibly common. Everyone knows dozens of us but they have been misdiagnosed with lupus of fibro or ALS or Parkinson’s or Gulf War Syndrome or any of hundreds of other conditions that do not have. Unless the misdiagnosis is that we are imagining it or we are making it up for sympathy or disability checks then we will be given more toxic drugs by our clueless doctors who believe what their friendly drug rep tells them over what their patients keep saying. They worship at the altar of fraudulent corporate science that has been manipulated to produce the desired results, choosing to believe that the toxic, dangerous and often addictive poisons they are peddling are all safe healthy substances that fix little problems or adjust little imbalances and which then pass easily out of our systems and are gone, leaving no after affects. This is so far from the truth that doctors are like members of an evil cult which worships a different God than the one from the Holy Bible. Doctors are indoctrinated in schools and hospitals funded by BIG PHARMA to believe in a system that has been wholly and entirely corrupted for well over a century so that they believe they control the gateway to health, which is an absurdity. For the most part they are just glorified drug dealers but most are totally unaware of this fact. There is a whole lot more to the saying that doctors have a God complex than just a bit of bloated ego. This is the stuff of serious spiritual warfare. We have been chosen by the Lord, predestined to fight in this battle for Him and with Him and although we fight the corruption and the malfeasance in this realm, we must always remember that we have victory in the Lord and that the battle is really taking place in the spiritual realm. The Lord will fight every battle for us but we do still live in a fallen world where people have the free will to walk away from God.
Basically, you have three kinds of doctors. First, there are those who bought the story and who basically believe that everything is working pretty well and that BIG PHARMA is mostly benevolent and that they are doing their best to solve health problems and cure diseases and that the toxic addictive pills they are pushing are the best option to help people cope with a given health issue and for them to regain health. These are the cult members, the ones who believe the ridiculous lies of their sexy young drug dealer who tells them things like “people are reading on the internet that they can scam free disability by claiming they reacted to a fluoroquinolone”. Yes, the drug companies are that ruthless. This is just one reason floxies get the total opposite of the support that cancer victims get, which is mostly denial, abuse and continuing medical malpractice. Doctors often believe we are lying. They have been told over and over again that these drugs are the gold standard of safety, so when a patient presents with a HORRIFIC set of health issues they will not believe it is the drugs. The worse our condition the more it just has to be something else and so they will waste huge amounts of time and money looking for “the real cause” of our problems. It is this absurd faith in the broken corrupted system that has made them the leading cause of death. Doctors shouldn’t even be on the list of things that often cause death let alone at the top of it. This is pure evil, plain and simple. Satan is in control of those who run the drug companies and the sinful people who run the alphabet agencies that are supposedly protecting us but which are actually run by the drug companies as the same un-Christ-like people go through a revolving door in and out of top positions in the drug companies and the agencies that supposedly regulate them but which actually enable their ongoing crimes against humanity, and thus crimes against the Lord because we are His beloved children.
The second kind of doctor is the type who understands the system is corrupted and who has no problem with taking advantage of the many opportunities available to extract money from people however he or she can, whether this means by prescribing lots of the newest drugs that pay the best bonuses, because these bonuses are a big part of how most doctors make money, or whether they actually help with the corruption by working with or for the companies crunching numbers to engineer the desired data or by presenting misinformation to fellow medical professionals in lectures at expensive dinners and so on. We live in a fallen world so sadly, there are an awful lot of these corrupted doctors who will do the devil’s bidding and prescribe drugs that will addict people intentionally just so the patient will keep coming back for more. The worst of them will diagnose cancer that isn’t there to do surgeries that are not needed and things like that. Some are a bit corrupt and some are a lot. No one fits totally in one category or another as each human is a unique evolving growing person who is learning new things and having new experiences. Some of the clueless ones will get a clue and some of the crooks will get saved and will change their evil ways. Most will carry on as the money is good, making it easy for them to focus on the pleasures of the flesh.
The third kind of doctor is the one who has realized the system is broken and who has clearly moved in a different direction, whether they saw the bigger picture when they were young and then became naturopaths, chiropractors and so on, or whether they had been part of the system for years and finally came to the realization that that they should be focused on the food their patients eat and other details of their life before they just reach for the prescription pad. As it is now, when we go to see a doctor, the first thing they will do in the vast majority of visits will be to prescribe one or more drugs, but not these doctors. Some may still prescribe drugs but they walk away from BIG PHARMA entirely. None of them ever consider a toxic chemical to be the first option for their patients. These doctors actually take the time to understand how our bodies work rather than how drugs affect our bodies, which is one of the biggest parts of training to be a doctor…this drug for this symptom, that combination of drugs for that symptom, this surgical procedure and collection of drugs for this diagnosis. They are taught to disregard common sense and to stop asking why or how things happen in the first place. Determining cause and effect is not in their job description, that is the scientist’s job and when they come up with the answers it’s his job to prescribe them, to match the symptoms to the treatment and move on to the next patient as quickly as possible to repeat the process. The third type of doctor abhors this failed approach and tries to determine how best to help their patients with natural healthy approaches first in all cases. These people may or may not be saved, but at least they are both following their conscience and approaching their jobs with an open mind. Obviously, none of the crooks in the second category are currently saved but I’m sure the Lord is quite able to turn them around if they seek Him. Most won’t. I suppose there are some doctors who have totally bought in that are also in the flock but they are pretty few and far between but again, some will find their way to Him and actually, we can help in our own little way by both educating them about FQ toxicity and all the other iatrogenic events in our lives and also be mentioning our faith to them and the sometimes remarkable things that have happened to reaffirm our faith.
We find ourselves on the front lines of the battle between good and evil and yet, if we tell people what is really going on most will think we are a bit nuts. Even most faithful Christians still believe in modern medicine, which obviously has had some successes, but which is subject to the same evil forces as everything else in this fallen world. The truth is that things are far darker and dirtier than most can even imagine. We have been made aware and now it is up to us to do what we can to make a difference. Thank you again Amy for your awesome contributions to both the FQ community and the Christian community. Just as the Eagle video that a friend shared with you inspired this post, in turn this post inspired me to write this to share here but also to save and to polish in order to use it in my upcoming book DAMAGED BY DOCTORS. It’s still a long ways off but starting to come together. I hope everyone will do what they can to raise awareness about FQ toxicity and if your doctor still acts like everything is going great in the medical community then run away or hobble away as fast as you can because they are part of the problem, both in sickening and maiming patients but also, and more importantly, in distracting us from trusting in the Lord as the ultimate healer. It’s not easy and I am not saying that all technology is bad. I am in constant pain and morphine helps, I can’t deny it, but I have cut back and have eliminated some other drugs from my life altogether including multiple antidepressants. Be careful about any drugs and especially with mixing them; that is what got a lot of us. Pray often and read your bibles. God bless all of you!
Mark A Girard